Name that sunrise


Burned out.

It’s been a rough year. I’ve kept telling myself that I have the energy, that I can do this, and this, and that, schedule everything with just seconds in margin. And many personal things that has happened during the year started to break me down mentally. Instead of taking care of myself, I put all the problems in a box in my head and put it away.

I started to work hard. Really hard. At work, after work, to nighttime. For ten months I’ve had a full time job, at the same time I trained daily with the Culinary Team, and also worked out a lot by myself. Gym, running, intervals, boxing, you name it. I worked extremely hard with minimal rest for a long period. 

The body started to talk. And it shut me down.

I started to understand what was happening just a couple of weeks ago. I burned out. I got really weak, and I’m still weak. Both mentally and physically. The first part, of admitting to yourself that you have to do something has been so tough. But I’ve gotten help and I have help. I know it’s a combination of broken self-esteem, the mental abuse, my inability to respect myself, the fact that I couldn’t set limits and let people walk right over me, the heavy workload combined with minimal recovery, my conflicts, my drive that I want to do everything at the same time and that I always allow everyone else to control me. 

I really love what I do, that’s why I never want to stop. But is it really worth giving it 300% every second of the day? Is it worth your health? Your physical abilities? Your mentality? Being sick right now, I’m telling you, is not fun at all. And I wish I started to listen to my body earlier.